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Strange Little Smile

from Strange Little Smile by Rosi Lalor

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about

STRANGE LITTLE SMILE speaks of overcoming the misery of enmeshment and co-dependence. The Hindu Goddess is Akiladashwari sometimes called 'She-Who-Is-Never-Not-Broken' appeared as a healing ally for me in this process. Images of Akilandashwari often show her standing on a crocodile. Perhaps this represents our potential for mastery over the oldest parts of the brain that are entirely concerned with physical survival, sometimes called the 'lizard brain'. Living with complex PTSD was like wrestling this crocodile, not just once but repeatedly over many years Learning to eventually use that crocodile as a surfboard is quite an achievement.

lyrics

I did the right thing
in the end I always do
i stood up for myself
though it meant losing you

but I don't feel high or mighty
I feel extremely small
and I want to hurt my body
take a hammer to a wall
so that nothing protects me
and the waves of the sea crash in
and smash me hard against the rocks
'til I can't hear the ticking of clocks

But I had a good dream last night
God must've known I needed something strong
something to stop me believing
having gaping wounds means there's something wrong
I dreamt of a shop full of pieces of china
nothing delicate in tact
a bull running off through the fields
and me left facing the fact
that everything's broken
there's nothing not broken

Then in comes a Hindu goddess
with spaces between her limbs
her feet aren't touching her ankles
her ankles aren't touching her shins
I assume she's come to help me
I say "When are we going to start?"
But she shakes her floating head
she points to her fractured heart
then she stands up on a crocodile
smiling a strange little smile
and she says "Welcome, darling,
to the world of she who brokenness set free
who brokenness set free."

credits

from Strange Little Smile, released July 8, 2021

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Rosi Lalor Cork, Ireland

Rosi Lalor grew up in Liverpool and now lives in County Cork. She is a storyteller and mystic at heart, with a large dose of clown thrown into the cauldron. Her song-craft is a satisfying process of resolving inner conflicts. Strange Little Smile is her second album, Flowers For The Living (available on itunes & Spotify) is her first. ... more

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